When I transferred to Franciscan University of Steubenville to finish my undergrad studies and grow in my Catholic faith, she was there in every chapel, silently praying for me. When I graduated and joined the Franciscans Friars the Renewal to discern priesthood and religious life, she was there again in each of the chapels (and on a 30 ft mural that was on the side of one of the Bronx NY friaries I lived in).

When I discerned out of the community and started dating my now wife, who was Protestant at the time, she revealed herself to her as a Mother on a date we went to on Dec 12 (her feast day). The girl serving us had a tattoo of our Lady of Guadalupe, which led to a beautiful conversation about Mother Mary, and even a time of speaking with her for the first time in prayer.

After we got married and were expecting our first born, Audrey, the doctor told us that her expected due date was on Dec 12 several months in advance. Nine days before that date, we started a novena asking her for the favor of welcoming our daughter on her feast day, and it was answered.

Today is my baby girl’s 4th birthday. As I look back on my life, I see how Our Lady has truly been a mother to me. She has always led me closer to her Son, Jesus Christ. She has one desire for my life: that my soul too would worship and “magnify the greatness of the Lord” (Luke 1:46) and that I would “do whatever he tells [me]” (John 2:5). Thank you for always loving me and my family, Mama.

It’s happened to most of us guys. You’re at a party. You see this gorgeous girl from across the room. She’s perfect. And then the frantic inner dialogue begins in your mind:

“Should I go talk to her?

Nah, you’re crazy, she’s way out of your league.

What if she already has a boyfriend?

Of course she already has a boyfriend, she’s a model! Why the heck would she want to talk to you anyway?

Well, sometimes really pretty girls have a thing for ugly guys, and even skinny guys.

That’s because those guys are filthy rich, and are CEO’s of start up companies. Too bad all that you have in your checking account is debt. If you decide to go on the suicide mission and actually go talk to her, she’s going to give you a look of disgust and laugh because you’re just not her type. Then all of her friends are going to laugh at you in slow motion. Besides, you have nothing interesting to say to her! Don’t be a jerk and waste her time.”

The girl then actually looks your way, smiles, and you respond by quickly darting your eyes away from her, ordering a drink, and cowering off into some corner where it’s safe from any amount of social risk.

Where did I gather all this insight from, in regards to this sort of inner dialogue, which I believe, universally afflicts young men all throughout the world? From my memory. Because I’ve been guilty of it too. So. Many. Times. And if I’m honest with myself, there were a number of things at play in my inability to act with confidence, courage, and class in moments such as those, but one of the premiere reasons had to do with my fear of rejection.

Men, what is the worst thing that the girl in that scenario could have said, if you walked up, had a conversation with her, and asked her out sometime? “No.” Perhaps, even “No thanks.” And then what would have happened? Obviously, you would have died on the spot. Or you would have shrieked out loud, in public, as your body began to shrink into the size of a plastic figurine, right? Wrong. If a girl declines your offer to go out on a date, or give you her number, that’s okay. There are billions of other women in the world, and you’ve just narrowed down the search for your future spouse.

In my recent past as a marriage and family therapist, one of the methods I would use in my counseling sessions with clients who came in with phobias or anxiety, was to use an intervention method called exposure therapy. As the name entails, the technique involved exposing the client to the very thing that they were afraid of, in a controlled environment, repeatedly. Often times, these fears were highly irrational, and involved categories such as the fear of balloons, elevators, or of not having access to hand sanitizer every few minutes.

Naturally, the client would be filled with anxious thoughts and feelings as they encountered their worst nightmares. But little by little, over the course of a number of sessions, they came to grasp that much of the fear was based on a false meaning that they had placed on the object, setting, or circumstance. It was rewarding to witness the weight being lifted off of their shoulders, as they learned to overcome their fears, replace irrational thoughts with truth, and prove to themselves that they could be freed of these manufactured shackles in their minds.

The reason I bring this up, is because I believe that the fear of rejection, or social anxiety, can be overcome in just the same way. It’s going to involve some initial exposure to discomfort and fear, but you’ll be fine. Here is your first mission, if you choose to accept it:

Pick a day this week where you can walk up to a woman you don’t know, during the day in public, such as a mall, or gathering you’re at and start a conversation.

“Well, I don’t want to be one of those creepy guys who say pick up lines.”

Don’t do that, ever. Instead, ask them an interesting opening question like:

“Excuse me, could I get your honest opinion, as a woman, about what I could get for my Mom (or sister depending on whose birthday is coming up sooner) that would make her feel special on her birthday?”

You’ll probably feel nervous and awkward asking, but keep your cool. Don’t breathe heavily or stare at her with your eyes wide open like a crazy person, but focus on being casual, relaxed, and know that you’re not going to die. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the number of women who might be taken aback at first, but are willing to help you with such a thoughtful question that has to do with treating the first woman in your life, with love and consideration. This is a trait that any woman would appreciate.

As she gives her response and seeks to help you out, follow up by thanking her, and then introduce your name. Then ask what her name is. Then give her a compliment. Remember, the purpose of this exercise isn’t to be manipulative, creepy, or try to become some raging pick up artist; but rather, for you to overcome your fear of approaching a woman you don’t know and being able to carry out a conversation.

If the conversation continues, then great! Go with the flow, and show her that you not only know how to lead a conversation, but you are a man with substance, intelligence, class, and charm.

“But what if I don’t have substance, intelligence, class, or charm? Or I don’t know the art of conversation??”

Well my friend, that’s where you need to continue developing yourself, into a man who possesses such qualities. Read, study, grow, exercise, serve, travel, pray, seek to grow in your faith, and expose yourself to things (good things) outside of your comfort zone that challenge you to level up. You have what it takes. You have something to offer. Show her that you are a man who has goals, direction, and a passion for life.

If at the end of this conversation, you feel like you’d like to get to know her more, and take her out on a date, then be direct and ask her. Don’t say you want to “hang out” because in her mind that makes you a potential friend, not a potential love interest. You’re going to get friend zoned (again) if you don’t take the risk and make your intentions known. I’m well aware that it is more comfortable to take the less risky path of being a good friend, hoping that on one serendipitous Summer evening, she sees you as more than just a friend, and takes the initiative to ask you out. Snap out of it man!

“Hey, it’s been really nice talking to you and I’d love to get to know you more. Could I take you out on a date for coffee sometime?”

If she says, “Sure” then take out your phone and ask for her number; not her Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat account. Please. That’s a cop out.

If she says, “Uhhh, no thanks”, or “Sorry, I have a boyfriend”, then remain calm and respond by saying,

“No worries, I appreciate you helping me out. Have a great rest of your day.”

Walk away, don’t be weird about it, cry, or kick an inanimate object; know that this is not a failure, but rather, a success. You have grown in your confidence and ability to put yourself out there. Congratulations! It doesn’t mean you’re an unloveable freak who will be forever alone, it just means that she wasn’t compatible with you. Carry on, brother, there are many more fish in the sea. And the more you engage in this type of exercise, the more you will learn to be the best version of yourself in social settings.

Ultimately, women appreciate a guy’s boldness and confidence in asking them out. On the contrary, there are graveyards filled with the hearts of men who watched the love of their life get swooped up by another guy, because he was willing to take the risk before they did. They may have even been asked to be a groomsman for the future wedding, since he had always been “such a good friend” to the bride. Don’t be that guy, RIP. Ask the question, dang it!

I hear it way too often from beautiful, single Catholic women that I meet at events:

“Paul, where are all the good guys at church? The ones I know are awkward. They can’t even hold up a conversation. Or they don’t ever ask me out, even though I know he’s interested. Or they’re already married or in the seminary.”

Gentlemen, stop keeping her waiting.

I have a friend who wasn’t even attracted to her fiancé when they first met, but honored the fact that he was direct and took the risk of initiating. Fast forward years later, and now they’re engaged to be married. Bam. Enough said. I know another guy, who nearly five years ago, attended his friend’s wedding without a date, as usual. As he looked around the reception hall, he saw this beautiful girl with a stunning smile. Normally he would have shied away from approaching a complete stranger who he had the hots for, but instead he decided to take a risk. He introduced himself, asked her an interesting question like, “Tell me the meaning behind the tattoo on your shoulder” and the night continued with conversation, laughter, dancing, and the crucial phone number exchange.

That guy was me, the gorgeous girl with the tattoo is now my wife, and I’m currently writing this article on our kitchen table as she dances across the room, making our two beautiful kids laugh. I’m so grateful I overcame my fear and took a risk that day… I’ll be rooting for you as you go and take yours.

– Paul 

P.s. If you enjoyed this blog, please support by sharing, and checking out my new talk album:

“A Catholic Millennial’s Guide to Adulting” on iTunes or Amazon!

That kind of behavior, to me, is terribly annoying and immature, especially considering the years of friendship we shared prior to that disagreement. People can be annoying, and in this case, she was just that. There have been many times since that episode, where when the memory of her comes to my mind, I am tempted to be bitter / get into imaginary arguments with her where I always win / or somebody throws a tomato at her. But then in the corner of my conscience, I see Jesus looking at me lovingly, not saying anything, yet saying loud and clear:

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you have a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”(Colossians 3:13)

“Aww Jesus c’mon, why do you want us to be holy all the time? Can’t we be a little Old Testament from time to time?”

I lick my wounds a little more before I decide I want to be forgiven by God for my many sins too. So in spite of how I might feel towards her at that moment, I realize I have the power and ability to take the higher road, to forgive her, to be the kind of person Jesus wants me to be. Namely, like Him, who willingly died for us on the Cross even though we had caused his painful death via our sins. This doesn’t mean that I am saying what she did was right… That somehow it didn’t matter. No, it was still hurtful and offensive. But forgiveness is often about allowing ourselves to be set free, while unforgiveness is like drinking something poisonous, waiting for the other person to die.

Thank Jesus He never said, “Like your neighbor as yourself”. “Liking” someone is subjective. It means you find that person agreeable, enjoyable, or even satisfactory. “Liking” is subjective, emotional, and fluid at best. Of course, these feelings can change depending on what kind of a day you had, whether or not you have gas, if that person did or didn’t “like” your recent post on social media, or if they only contacted you when they needed you to do something for them. Oh, what a fickle thing it is to like someone. I don’t happen to like the person I had mentioned before, but strangely, I can still love her and am called to do just that. So to that end, when I’m reminded of what she did to me, I pray that God blesses her, helps her become a saint and that she doesn’t repeat her past mistakes.  In His infinite wisdom, Jesus says, “LOVE your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Still very difficult to do, but much more reasonable than liking.

Now, since you’re here… Let’s do some real talk. If you’re single, raise your hand. Now take a long, deep breath, and exhale. Feel that? Everything is going to be okay, you’re not gonna die… Unless you text and drive.

I know Christmas and the holidays are here, and everyone and their little sibling seems to have a significant other, who they’re posting pictures with on Instagram. But you? Why have you been celebrating SAD (Singles Awareness Day) since Valentine’s Day of… 2000 something? It’s because you’re terribly unloveable and have nothing beneficial to share with anyone, and your fashion sense is really frumpy, right…?

NOOOO! Stop being so emo and start believing in your dang self! Listen, I get it. It sucks to be single when you don’t want to be. There was a period in my life after my first year of college, when (aside from several awkward dates and that one time I was trying to discern a vocation to priesthood), I was single. This period was a DECADE long. 10 Years. 120 Months. 43,800 Days.

During this time I could have crumpled up into the corner of my existence, in fetal position, and cried myself to sleep while I fed myself Bon Bon’s ALLLL BYYYY MYYYYSELLLLLLF (insert Celine Dion’s voice here). But I didn’t, because that’s dumb. Not so much the Bon Bon’s part, but the other part.

Now the purpose of this entry isn’t to give you 10 ways to ask someone out, nor to simply say you must die a martyrdom of Facebook relationship status: Single. But rather: Make the Most Out of Being Single.

That’s right: Make the most out of being single.

It’s a really important time in your life. It’s so crucial in fact, that it will significantly impact your future “everything”. 100 percent of the time, your future will be influenced in some way by your past. Haven’t you seen The Notebook? I haven’t. Anyways, use today well.

I don’t presume to know God’s will for your life, future, and destiny; but I do know He doesn’t want you to wallow in self-pity and static depreciation. Rather than seeing your situation in the negative, or in the glass-half-empty-forever position; see it as a golden opportunity to grow as a human being: In mind, body, and soul. The more you work on “you” now, the better off your future spouse and ultimately your marriage and vocation will be, because of it. So the challenge I present to you today is simple:

Make one tangible goal for yourself this week for each category of:

1. Mind
2. Body
3. Soul.

Then do it. Because if all we do is read fancy articles on how to improve our life, but don’t carry out any of the actual advice, it’s just like wasting time on the internet… Oh wait. Ha. I’m even going to help you out with some ideas to get started… Even before the New Year’s Resolution madness ball drops. Pick one from each. Repeat.

1. Mind:

– Read a book that you can benefit from
– Try “The Five Love Languages” by Chapman
– Or “The Temperament God Gave You” by Bennett
– Or “Wild At Heart” by Eldredge
– But don’t take my word for it haha #readingrainbow
– Grow in self-awareness
– Meet a counselor to deal with unresolved issues
– Learn a new skill / trade
– Get out of debt / Don’t go into debt (DaveRamsey.com)
– Enroll in a class
– Learn how to play an instrument (you can even learn for free on YouTube)
– Don’t feed negative or hopeless thoughts, they’re a waste of energy
– Turn off Netflix and do something above on this list

2. Body:

– Exercise
– Get to the Gym
– Join Crossfit and get ripped
– Eat healthier, but learn to enjoy junk on occasion
– Join an intramural league
– Learn a martial art
– Kick a bank robber in the face
– Go volunteer
– Go out of your way to buy food for a homeless person
– Go do a random act of kindness

3. Soul:

– Read the Bible 5 minutes a day, start with the Gospels
– The book of Tobit in the Old Testament is amazing by the way, because it’s about God answering the prayers of single people
– Frequent the Sacraments
– Make a Good Confession and let God forgive you, of everything
– Forgive the people who have hurt you, and learn to let go
– Pray the Rosary
– Go to Mass every Sunday, and scare the old ladies by even going on a weekday: MassTimes.org
– Join a youth / young adult group
– Make good friends, because friends will either make or break you
– Work on your relationship with Jesus, because it’s the most important relationship you’ll have. He loves you by the way, more than you could ever know.

If you’re reading this, I’m praying for you. Young adulthood is not always easy. But it’s all worth it, and God is faithful. I’ve seen it in my own life, even in the midst of loneliness, waiting, and longing.

“I know well the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I can remember the first time I had to go to confession. I was around 8 years old, and I was scared. I don’t think most people believe that it’s very fun to sit in a small room with a stranger (the neighborhood priest), while admitting to one’s worst moments in life. Standing in line and waiting for my turn to go in, was a lot like waiting to be executed by the firing squad. The fateful moment arrived and the kid before me stepped out of the confessional looking silent and pale. Now, it was my turn.

I stepped inside, shut the door behind me, and knelt down in front of the privacy grille that separated me from the priest. Nervously, I followed the instructions given to me beforehand.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

“Alright, tell me your sins.”

(It’s important to note that at this point I was afraid, and believed that making up sins was my only way of surviving this mess of an experience.)

“Well Father, I was impatient with my little brother. (Uhh, duh Paul.)

And I went to 7-Eleven without asking my parents if I could go.”

“(chuckle) Anything else you need to confess?”

“Nope that’s it.”

The priest had me say an act of contrition, which is a short prayer that summarizes sorrow for having committed sin, and the desire to work on it with God, so as to not commit it again. Luckily there was a printed version of it there on the wall, so I just read that. Reciting it from memory may have meant me wetting myself, due to nervousness. The priest then gave me a small penance to carry out, which consisted of a few prayers to pray from my heart to God. And ultimately, I walked out of my first Confession, unchanged. But that was my fault, since I didn’t really repent of anything. I just lied.

My parents were really proud of me for taking such a big step in my walk with Christ and the Church, and even wanted to buy me McDonalds on the way home to celebrate. Deep down inside however, I felt bad, since I didn’t really take my first confession seriously. But really though… What kind of an 8 year old is going to refuse a Happy Meal with a toy inside?

Fast-forward several years to this current day in age, and I can say in freedom (without any pre-negotiated Happy Meal deal made):

“I love going to Confession!”

There have been a number of times where I came before the Lord burdened with shame due to my sins. I felt embarrassed to even confess out loud, in the presence of the priest, the things I had done in secret. But each time, I would leave Confession a free man, knowing that I had a tangible encounter with the Lord and His mercy communicated to me through this Sacrament. Not to mention, I’ve had so many great memories of priests being very understanding and encouraging to me even in the midst of my faults.

But this still doesn’t change the fact that there are an exhausting amount of misunderstandings about Confession from both Catholics and non-Catholics alike, which is why I’m going to address some of these concerns in a Question and Answer format. Here we go:

QUESTION 1:  Where in the Bible does it talk about Confession anyway?

ANSWER 1: In John 20:19-23, Jesus resurrects from the dead, appears in the midst of His disciples and says “Peace be with you”. For the disciples, this is comforting to hear, since they abandoned Him right before He was crucified, and since it must now mean He’s in an okay mood. Jesus does something very interesting in verse 22: He BREATHES on them. He then says “Receive the Holy Spirit, if you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven.” This is very significant because God only breathes on people twice in the entire Bible. The first time was when He breathed life into the nostrils of Adam and Eve back in Genesis, and the second time was this very instance. Jesus was literally empowering His disciples (the first ordained bishops and priests) to do what His Father had sent Him to do: forgive sins in His name (John 20:21). The Catholic Church didn’t invent Confession; Jesus did, and gave it to the Church as a gift.

QUESTION 2:  But the priest is a sinner! No sinner can forgive sins, only Jesus can. In fact, I know that priest, and he is definitely not holier than I am.

ANSWER 2:  You’re right in saying the priest is a sinner and that only Jesus can forgive sins. If you were paying attention earlier, Jesus grants the ability to forgive sins in His name. It’s not by virtue of the priest that sins can be forgiven, it’s by virtue of Christ and His undeserved gift upon the man who happens to be a priest. And that thing about him not being holy… Well you go to a doctor right? What if your doctor is less healthy than you? You still go to that doctor to be healed of ailments, correct? The same with the priest then. I don’t go to confession because I think he’s my Savior, I go because Jesus gave him the authority to absolve me of my sins. It’s God forgiving me through the priest… not the priest acting alone as if He was the Savior. And by the way, priests also go to Confession to stay accountable to God via the Church… even Pope Francis goes.

QUESTION 3:  If Jesus has saved mankind once and for all on the Cross, why do I need to repent of my sins in Confession, when I’ve already accepted Jesus as Lord? Doesn’t the Bible say that once I have acknowledged Christ as my Savior, I’m a new creation, and I’m saved?

ANSWER 3:  Confession doesn’t deny that Jesus has saved mankind once and for all on the cross, when He died. In fact, the grace of Confession flows from that act of redemption. Every time a believer goes to repent in the context of that Sacrament, he or she is celebrating what Christ did on the Cross for them. But let me take a step back… It’s about relationship.

For instance, would it seem right to you if a person “accepts Jesus into their heart as personal Lord and Savior” but during their walk with God, they lie, commit adultery, and steal… Not because they want to, but because like all sinners, they continue to struggle with a propensity to sin, till the day they die. Don’t you think it seems a bit wrong for them not to acknowledge what they did, and not to ask God for forgiveness? My point is being in a relationship with God includes being accountable for one’s actions. Jesus says in John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” You can say with your lips that you love and accept God, but if you happen to screw up, which is inevitable for any Christian, then you need to repent… again. Remember when St. Peter had to repent and reaffirm his commitment to our Lord in John 21:17: “Peter, do you love me?” “Yes Lord, you know that I love you.” 

QUESTION 4: Why can’t I just repent of my sins in the comfort of my room, by my dang self?

ANSWER 4:  Later on in James 5:16, it becomes evident that a form of Confession is a part of the early Christian community since the verse states: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed.” So while it is important for all Christians to develop a relationship with God, where in the quiet of their room they pray and repent; God also places a value in being accountable to others in the context of the Church community. It’s a heck of a lot easier to repent in secret, than humbly doing so in front of a representative of the Church. And what purpose does that serve in the plan of God? Most likely to remind us that we are part of the Body of Christ: The Church. And both our victories, and our sins, affect the community of believers at large… Just how the performance of an athlete on the field affects the entire team.

I’m sure there are many more questions about Confession that people might have, but to be honest, it’s late at night, I’m tired, and I don’t feel like writing anymore haha. Visit the US Catholic Conference of Bishops website to learn more about the Sacrament, and more importantly, visit a nearby Church and experience for yourself, God’s merciful love in Confession. There is no sin so big, that God can’t forgive you of it, and the gravest of sins are but a drop in the ocean of His mercy. Jesus, I trust in You.

The recorded talk was a presentation I gave to youth at the 2013 NCYC (National Catholic Youth Conference), in Indianapolis. It was a such a blessing to be there, witnessing the joy and energy of 23,000 youth from around the country. I was grateful to be able to share a little bit about my initial encounter with Christ, in a humorous, down-to-earth, and very real way. Teens are experts at sniffing out insincerity, so I’ve made it a part of my ministry and interactions, to just get real from the get-go. It is great to think that even when I’m going about my ordinary day, there might be a number of people listening to my talk, and hopefully encountering Christ in a way they never had before.

If you’d like to purchase the CD or the downloadable version, CLICK HERE. You can also click that link to listen to a free 10 minute preview. A special thank you to Jason Evert for contacting Lighthouse on my behalf, and suggesting they check out my talk. All glory to God, who loved us first.

Not too many days later, I found myself driving down the road one night, and there appeared in the bike lane, a woman who I had seen repeatedly pushing a shopping cart. Her clothes were disheveled, she appeared to have not bathed for days, and she seemed to converse with herself. Typically, I’d be too busy to see how I could help, but given that I had no plans at the moment, and the previous sermon was seared into my heart, I thought I’d park the car.

I went down to a market not too far from where the lady was and bought a few food items I thought might be helpful. Afterwards I walked down towards the lady and introduced myself, while offering her the things from the market. Her name was Rosemary and she thanked me. We chatted for a bit, and then all of a sudden we both saw someone approaching us with a flashlight… a bit disconcerting in the middle of the night on the side of the road. A man shouted out, “This is the Police, show me what you’re holding in your hand!

Now, no one likes to be approached by the police, even if they’re not doing anything shady. But a part of me couldn’t help but laugh on the inside at the fact that, not only am I innocent of crime, but I’m being caught in the act of doing some good. I showed the police officer my bag of paraphernalia, which included a bottle of water and some food items. I explained that I was sharing it with Rosemary, and the police officer was a bit baffled, but said, “That’s nice of you.”  He then wished me a good night, and walked back to his squad car.

I am certainly no saint, but hearing about the lives of the Saints from our Church history, is constant inspiration for me to emulate the things God helped them to accomplish, while striving towards my eternal heritage: Heaven. I think that when most Catholics sit in the pews and ponder the statues and stained glass windows, they forget that the saints were not too much different than them. They were all sinners who struggled to be good, and holy. In the words of St. Augustine, “There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future.” It might be helpful to note here that before St. Augustine became a priest, bishop, and saint; he fathered a child outside of wedlock, ran away from home, joined a cult, and prayed the famous prayer: “Lord grant me chastity, but not yet.” There is hope for all of us.

The truth is, God calls us to be saints in this life, and one does not have to be a nun, priest, bishop, or even an altar server (or “donut server” after Mass), to be one. Your circumstances, geographical location, culture, generation you find yourself in, will be different than the saints of the past. Your path to holiness will look different than this person or that person. And remember, to be a saint is not to levitate, work miracles, or preach to thousands of people, necessarily.

To be a saint, is to acknowledge that Jesus is our Lord and Savior, that He established a Church that communicates His grace to us through the Sacraments, and that He gave us this opportunity called life, to share His love and goodness with others, accomplishing His will. We can’t earn Heaven or holiness… Christ has already earned those things for us. We need to simply, and daily, open our arms and hearts; receive His gifts, and stop thinking this is somehow our work or doing. It’s not. Our life is an “Opus Dei”, or “Work of God”. Ironically, He just needs our permission.

In even simpler terms written by Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” Let’s get started.

“The Gospels speak of a time of solitude for Jesus in the desert immediately after his baptism by John. Driven by the Spirit into the desert, Jesus remains there for forty days without eating; he lives among wild beasts, and angels minister to him. At the end of this time Satan tempts him three times, seeking to compromise his filial attitude toward God. Jesus rebuffs these attacks, which recapitulate the temptations of Adam in Paradise and of Israel in the desert, and the devil leaves him “until an opportune time”.

– Catechism of the Catholic Church #538

Basically, Jesus kicks the devil’s… face. Notice that Lent, which is also signified by 40 days (if you don’t count the Sundays) is a time for the faithful to experience a little bit of that fasting and prayer modeled after Jesus.  “But why did Jesus have to do that if he never sinned?” Because he didn’t do it for the atonement of his sins (there were none), rather he did it for our sake.

If you read the book of Exodus in the Old Testament, God is trying to lead and free His people from slavery to a promised land of paradise, but they’re not being led too well.  They fall into all sorts of sin and foolish behavior, and make a muck of themselves. But hundreds of years later, when Jesus comes on the scene to redeem mankind, He symbolically accomplishes in the desert for 40 days, what the people of Israel couldn’t do in those 40 years.  He remains faithful to God, His Father, resists temptation, kicks the devil in the face, and gives the example we all strive to follow in this “desert” of our lives.  Jesus reversed the cycle of human sin, and He calls us to also reverse the cycle of sin in our own lives, through repentance, prayer, fasting, and almsgiving (add these into your Lenten diet).

“Baptism confers on its recipient the grace of purification from all sins. But the baptized must continue to struggle against concupiscence of the flesh and disordered desires. With God’s grace he will prevail.”

– Catechism of the Catholic Church #2520.

Bam! You are a new creation when receiving Baptism, but if you read the fine print on that lovely Sacramental bath, you realize quickly that while it washed away your sin, it didn’t wash away that struggle with temptation.  Every single day, in a hundred different ways, we are confronted with temptation!  And don’t lie, we all have crazy thoughts that pass through our heads, with all sorts of weird, inappropriate, and nasty suggestions.  If these thoughts were heeded, they’d land us in jail or worse: make us headline on the nightly news, and then go to jail.  The mere presence of thoughts or desires doesn’t make us guilty of sin… but what we choose to do with those thoughts and desires, might.

There’s this joke that a kid walks into a confessional and asks the Priest, “Uhh Father, I don’t exactly know what to do here, can you help me?”  And the Priest responds, “Son, this is an opportunity to confess your sins to God and be forgiven.  I’ll help you examine your conscience.  For instance, have you ever entertained impure thoughts?”  The kid says, “Oh no Father, they entertain me.”  Funny, but definitely a fail.

There’s this well-known quote that reads:

My Thoughts lead to my Actions

My Actions lead to my Habits

My Habits lead to my Character

My Character leads to my Destiny

Connect the dots and you’ll realize that your freedom to filter good thoughts from bad becomes a really important thing, when considering the bigger picture.  Here’s some advice: when these crazy / lustful / angry / jealous / ugly / choose-your-poison / thoughts pass through your head, don’t throw in the towel and think you’ve already lost.  Instead, invite Jesus into the temptation.  “What??  That’s a terrible thing to do!” No it’s not. What do you think you’re praying when you say “Lead us not into temptation” Matt. 6:13?  Ephesians 4:22 says, “Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes”. Sharing with God what you’re going through, is exactly what Jesus did when praying to His Father. He’s not ashamed of your struggle, in fact, He wants to help you be victorious. Offer to Him whatever temptation you’re facing and ask for His grace and wisdom.

Now the truth is that in every battle, even the best of soldiers get wounded.  All of us have had, or will have times where we fall into temptation and sin even in spite of our best intentions. In Romans 7:15, even St. Paul says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.”  In other words, “I hate sin and I don’t want it in my life, but I continue to struggle with it!” We do what we can to avoid sin and make the right decisions, but when we fall short of God’s glory, and we will… the important thing is not to remain down.  Recently Pope Francis shared, “It’s not that God grows tired of forgiving us, it’s that we grow tired of asking God for forgiveness.”

God is always ready to meet our misery with his mercy.  And as many times as you fall, so many times do you need to get back up and fight!  One of the most tangible ways we can experience that is in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or Confession, where God offers us His mercy through His representative, the Priest.  The book of James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another”, and in the Gospel of John 20:23, Jesus tells his disciples, the first priests: “Those sins you forgive are forgiven.” Bam. So go. And go again if you need to. And again. And don’t ever give up. Cos Jesus doesn’t give up on you.

Lent is also a time for us to pray more; to read and listen to the word of God.  As you’re making your Lenten resolutions, make prayer and reading God’s word a part of it.  That’s where we receive the strength in the first place to battle and resist sin.  I’m convinced that if everyone made a little more time to pray each day and hear God’s word, the news would have no stories to broadcast, jails would be vacant, families would be still be together, and Miley Cyrus would become a nun… okay that’s a stretch, but it’s possible.

Every great film has a training sequence, and it usually leads to an epic battle.  The picture of the man I posted earlier, screaming about Lent, is a character from the movie “300”*. I found this film very inspiring in that it portrays the story of 300 Spartan soldiers who fought off an army of thousands, until they each made the ultimate sacrifice with their lives for the sake of their nation and families.  Years of training and discipline led them to accomplish their final acts of heroism.  To think that it all started with a decision they made to pick up a weight, to pick up a spear, and to simply show up.  Lent is your spiritual training sequence; Lent is you showing up. (*I will mention that if you do decide to watch 300, watch the made for TV version because there is a sex scene that could be problematic for people striving for purity)

Study the life of any historical figure, and you’ll be able to connect the dots all the way from the beginning, to the end of their life.  Leaders and losers, heroes and abusers; the legacy they left behind, all began with something as simple as the thoughts they fostered in their minds, and the decisions they made with their free will.  My friends, whether you would like to acknowledge it or not, war is upon you.  Lent is your time to train, to act, and to win… with Christ.

The people who have been responsible within the Church for committing pedophilia and or not taking responsibility of removing pedophiles, make up less than 1% of the 1.2 Billion Catholics in the world. Yet the way the media portrays it, makes it sound like all those in the Catholic Church are corrupt, are guilty, are lost. To assume that, is insulting to me, and the countless other Catholics who follow Christ out of love and devotion through faith… Catholics who know that despite the sinfulness of its members, the Church is still holy because of Christ, who is the head and founder of the Church.  In any group or organization, religious or not, there will always be a small percentage of people even in leadership roles, who make bad decisions that hurts lives (i.e. the US Government??).  And sadly, critics of faith or religion will use this as a crutch to point the finger and say that that is why they choose not to believe or go to Church (fine… more donuts for me anyways).

The 99% of the Church’s 412,000+ priests who have dedicated their lives to God, and have never committed any sort of evil towards children… Tell me, where has the media praised them for their deeds? It doesn’t take much education to see that the media is biased, and even when there is negative fallout from past sins within the Church, it’s important not to get swept up in generalizations. The truth is, the Catholic Church is the largest charitable organization on the planet, serving the needs of people day in and day out, throughout the world. And ironically, you will rarely, if ever, hear about any of the awe-inspiring stories of the faithful, in major news outlets.  I am personally so grateful for the Priests in my life who have served my family and me with sincerity; encouraged me in times of difficulty, and inspired me by their example, to live a life that is full and devoted to God and neighbor. Shout out to Fr Mariusz Koch, CFR, a Franciscan Priest, who presided over my wedding last August! Represent!

The way I see it is that if someone in your immediate family was guilty of doing something immoral and evil, and then other family members made the unfortunate decision to cover it up because of shame… Would that mean your entire family is corrupt? That your family is no longer worth being a part of because of the actions of a small percentage? No. This is illogical. In times like those, the Family, or in this case the Church, needs renewal, purification, and healing. Even in the Gospel, one of the 12 disciples: Judas, betrayed Christ. That kind of corruption was present since the beginning of the Church, but Christ didn’t give up on it. In fact, He died for the Church, and as a result became for it the source of life that springs up for all the faithful, to drink from its living waters. Christ also promised that the gates of hell would not prevail against his Church. You don’t ditch your family when the proverbial crap hits the fan… you seek to help restore it back to life, through forgiveness and love.  God forbid… that God give up on us when we’re acting ugly.  Mercy!

If in the past few decades, these terrible things have had to come up to the surface so that those who don’t belong in ministry roles, but rather in jail, could be exposed… then praise God for that.  I still offer my prayers for those who have been guilty of such things, because in my heart I know we are all sinners in need of forgiveness.  I also pray for those who have been victims of such terrible things, because I can only imagine how hard it must be to forgive on that level.  Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, when once interviewed by a journalist, was asked what her thoughts were about a murderer who had recently been brought to justice. She commented that she might be worse off than the murderer, were it not for the grace of God in her life.

I love being Catholic and I’m convinced of the holiness that I’ve seen in its members who have never been praised by the news for their dedication. I choose not to give into sweeping generalizations about this family of believers because of the faults of a minority. Each day I pray for the grace to do my best to strive to be part of the solution, and not the problem. Long live the Church, the Bride of Christ, the refuge for sinners!

Keep the faith and stay classy,

Paul J. Kim